Who is in Your Tribe?

There will always be times that we, in our human flesh, will disappoint just as there will always be times we will be disappointed by others. There is always going to come a time when you don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye with even your best of friends.  However, in true friendship you look beyond those disagreements and look to what is really important to your relationship - how important you are to each other. 

I once thought I had my tribe in an organization, especially after I became a leader at its highest volunteer level and was welcomed into a small 'sisterhood' of like-minded women. But the way some of the women from what I considered my "tribe" have behaved and treated others, myself included, is inexcusable… they are only with you if you agree with them on all fronts.  You disagree with something, you are called names, lumped with others by stereotypes, or ridiculed.  You leave the organization, you leave the tribe. 

This painful process can be, and has been for me, a blessing. Yes, it hurts so much and you feel like you cannot take a deep breath for the pain. But, your true tribe comes forward in these times.  A handful of brave women still in the organization stand by your side. Strong women who left before you hold you up in prayer and encourage you. You form a greater bond with those who left around the same time - who have some of the same convictions you have. Then you look around and see the friends and family that were in your life outside of the organization.  Those who prayed for you while you served and supported you when you left.  Those friends who didn’t care about what you did… they only cared about you.  The ones who stopped by because they were thinking of you and purchased your favorite soda (here in the south, we call that a Coke, even if it is a competitor’s brand)… and sometimes you stand on the porch chatting for an hour. These are the people who make up your tribe… or on other days, your circus.

For me, and I hope for you, that tribe starts at home. I cannot even fathom having a tribe that did not start with my

husband and children and include our parents, siblings, and

cousins. Our family provides my strongest supporters. My friends - those who have seen me at my worst and I at theirs, and see that as deepening our friendship - either keep me grounded or soar with me, cry with me, yell with me, and feel every injustice or bliss as if it was their own.

When your world seems to be falling apart, and your tribe seems to be abandoning you, perhaps it is time to take a step back and look around.  Perhaps your tribe is not who you thought it was… perhaps the warriors and nurturers are people you never knew were a part of your tribe. Don’t look at those who are blown whichever way the wind blows. Don’t look at the weeds who looked pretty but are really there to choke out the growth inside you. Don’t look at the chaff that quickly separates from you when you stand firm in Truth.  

When all looks grim and you feel like you’ve lost your friends, let God be your tribal leader, and Jesus the Chief Warrior. Then take a look around and take stock of those who are standing by your side. These people make up your tribe.